Can we learn to become charismatic?

Arnaud Weiss
26 April 2021

In this article discover : 

- The natural and the acquired - why anyone can become charismatic

- The three key components of charisma according to Olivia Fox Cabane

- The levers to become more charismatic

The myth of the charismatic genius?

Charisma: innate talent or acquired skill? Are we born charismatic or do we become so? This question is very important because it goes beyond personal development. It is a manifestation of a terrible bias too present in the French mentality: the myth of genius. When a woman or a man stands out for his or her achievements, he or she is put on a pedestal. This person is not like us, he or she is endowed with an innate talent, he or she is a genius. Their success is not due to hard work.


It's often a way of justifying our own lack of initiative and limiting ourselves: without this innate talent that I don't have, it's not even worth trying.


Einstein in How I See the World deplored this reasoning. He called himself a genius and said he had devoted "a lifetime of unremitting effort" to his work. The average person could not understand his ideas.

"No destiny would justify any exaltation of anyone. (...) Men show me an improbable and excessive admiration and veneration. I neither want nor deserve anything. I imagine the deep but chimerical cause of their passion. They want to understand the few ideas I have discovered. But I have devoted my life to it, a whole life of uninterrupted effort."

No one can deny that there are genetic differences that confer advantages (e.g. height in basketball). But as the Grant Study, a famous longitudinal study conducted by several generations of Harvard researchers, concluded, "culture trumps nature". Our relationships, our work, our habits have infinitely more impact on our lives than our inherited characteristics.


The book by E. Vaillant who directed the Grant Study for 30 years. In it he summarizes his main findings. He highlights the absence of correlation between IQ and income level.

Recent discoveries go even further: our actions and our environment can change our genes in the very short term. Dr. Renato Paro from the University of Basel made a groundbreaking discovery in 2009. By heating fruit fly eggs, he succeeded in changing the colour of their eyes from white to red and... this trait was then passed on to his descendants! This is proof that an exogenous factor can alter our genes. In 2018, a study draws the same conclusions for humans: a famine left traces in the genetic heritage of a generation and these variations were then transmitted to their descendants(study). I digress but the question of innate and acquired is really fascinating. 


It is in this context that the cult American work "The charisma myth" is gaining in popularity on the old continent. In her book, Fox Cabane details the springs of charisma that are anything but innate. For the author, everyone can learn to become charismatic. The results of recent research support her view: charisma seems to be the result of a myriad of non-verbal behaviors (links to scientific publications in the references). The first step for us is to understand the nature of charisma and the reasons for it.


The triptych at the origin of charisma: presence, power and warmth


According to Professor Robert House of Wharton University, charisma "leads to a higher degree of commitment from others, disposes them to make personal sacrifices, and to go beyond their goals." Some illustrations:

- Charismatic doctors are more in demand and their patients are more likely to follow the prescribed treatment

- Charismatic employees rise faster in the hierarchy and have more responsibility on average

- Charismatic entrepreneurs have less difficulty raising capital and attracting talent to their companies


All in all, our quest for charisma could be summed up as follows: how to become more influential, more convincing and more inspiring?


Fox Cabane's work for Harvard and MIT has led her to unravel the components of charisma, which she believes has three dimensions.


The presence

Presence is the ability to communicate to someone that they are the most important thing to us at that moment. And therefore being 100% focused on the conversation. 

"Being charismatic depends on how present you are in each interaction more than how much time you have available" O. F. Cabane


How many times have you had the unpleasant impression that someone was only half listening to you? When the mind wanders, facial expressions are off by half a second. The human brain is calibrated to perceive variations in facial expressions in 17 milliseconds. Therefore, it is impossible to pretend to listen to someone. A weak presence makes the person you're talking to feel that you're relegated to the back burner of your priorities, and the consequences for your charisma are dramatic. 


Conversely, in the age of notifications and the attention economy, putting your phone out of sight and focusing all your attention on the person you're talking to has an extraordinary impact. The person in front of you feels listened to, valued, and you'll go way up in their esteem. Interesting anecdote: English researchers have shown that the mere presence of a smartphone - even when switched off - on the table during a conversation reduces the level of trust and intimacy between two people(study).

The power

This dimension reflects the influence that others think you can have on the world. It is embodied in your social status, your physical strength, your intelligence, your wealth. It is expressed through notoriety and external signals, such as appearance. So it's not about power per se, but about projected power.


Caring

Warmth is the purity of our intentions toward others. It is the signals that communicate that we are concerned about our fellow human beings, and that we want the best for them. It is expressed in our qualities of empathy, sympathy, and appreciation of others.

The three pillars of charisma according to Fox Cabane

What do these three dimensions have in common? They can all be acquired, but above all they are expressed through non-verbal language. For Fox Cabane, it is therefore a question of developing our listening skills, our power, and our benevolence. But above all, it is about developing the body language associated with these characteristics.

Body language, the main vector of charisma

The importance of body language continues to be confirmed. In an experiment, researchers at the MIT Media Lab were able to predict the outcome of a business negotiation 87% of the time, just by observing non-verbal language, without knowing the content of the exchange(study).


Without going into detail, Fox Cabane gives several tips for displaying charismatic non-verbal language that communicates strong confidence:

- Reduce the speed and frequency with which you agree with your interlocutors.

- Pause for two seconds at the beginning of a speech or before speaking to answer a question.

- Speak slowly and lower your pitch at the end of your sentences


There are some tricks, but in the end our body language is the simple translation of our inner state. Our nervousness, our tensions, our uncertainties, our confidence, are translated into thousands of small signs that are unconsciously interpreted by our interlocutors. Body language cannot be faked. As for listening, it is very difficult to hide one's true emotions. The key to charisma is therefore to master your emotional state and build an unshakeable self-confidence. But how to do this? 


Barriers to self-confidence

Developing rock-solid self-confidence starts with understanding what elements undermine it. Reading Fox Cabane was a revelation to me, as I found myself in literally every element of his typology!

Anxiety caused by uncertainty. A publication in the renowned journal Nature in 2016 showed that humans prefer the certainty of an outcome against them (an electric shock in the study) rather than uncertainty that nevertheless leaves room for hope. The highest levels of stress are reached when uncertainty is at its highest. How often have you found yourself replaying in your head all the possible scenarios for an uncertain future event?

Illustration of the experiment set up to measure the link between stress and uncertainty

Dissatisfaction with comparison to others. We have a natural tendency to compare ourselves to others in any situation. In Freakonomics, economist Steven Levitt shows that the link between money and happiness is essentially linked to comparisons with others. More than the absolute amount of money I earn, it is the relative level of money compared to the people around me that makes me happy or unhappy. In other words, earning €2,500 a month around people on minimum wage makes you happier than earning €10,000 a month around millionaires! Comparisons to others tend to plague us and undermine our confidence.

Self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Self-doubt is the little voice in your head that tells you that you can't do it when faced with a goal. Worse, it's the belief that you fundamentally lack the ability to meet the challenge. In its most extreme form, self-criticism takes the form of imposter syndrome, which causes you to reject any personal achievement, to attribute all your successes to exogenous factors, to a mistake or to chance. These self-doubts stoned your confidence and your body language is affected. Worse: your performance is also affected by this negativity. The first thing to reassure you is that self-doubt is universal, 70% of people have even experienced impostor syndrome at least once(study). Moreover, the most brilliant people are the most likely to be subject to this feeling.

"For a long time I had this feeling that at some point security was going to come to me and kick me out of the studio." Michael Uslan, producer best known for the Batman films

Resentment. Resentment against a loved one or colleague can become obsessive, all-consuming. It takes a heavy toll on your well-being and confidence. Your body language suffers and so does your level of charisma according to Olivia Fox Cabane. Nelson Mandela said that "Resentment is like drinkingpoison and waiting for the other person to die of it".

Now that we know the obstacles to our self-confidence, and therefore to our charisma, what are the levers to overcome them?

Overcome your fears and develop your confidence

The first step in combating the above-mentioned phenomena is to accept them and then to identify them properly.


This is what Anglo-Saxon psychologists call the labelling. Putting a label on an emotional phenomenon mechanically diminishes its effect. The approach suggested by Fox Cabane :

Accept your emotions

1. Remember that negative emotions are normal and natural.

2. Accept your feelings, don't try to push them away or argue with them, it will only make things worse.

3. Think of someone you admire who has probably gone through a similar situation.

4. See your negative emotions as a burden shared by many. You are part of a community of human beings who are feeling the same way right now.

Label them to neutralize them

1. Imagine your negative thoughts written on a wall in graffiti ("I won't make it...")

2. Put a label on it: anxiety caused by uncertainty, self-doubt...

3. Step back, talk about yourself in the third person "X feels uncomfortable because...". Zoom out and put yourself and your feelings back into the vastness of the universe and all the things that happen on earth.

4. Consider the worst case scenario, what could be the worst outcome?

5. Think about the previous times you felt this way and eventually got over it.

These thought exercises are automatisms to be used daily when you feel troubled. The goal is to develop a natural form of defense against situations that undermine your confidence and therefore your charisma. 


Fox Cabane also gives two exercises to succeed in major events (a public presentation for example) which rely on a known lever: visualization.


Projecting success to be more charismatic through visualization

Visualization is very effective and relies on thebrain's inability to effectively distinguish reality from fiction. When we see a horror movie we are terrified even though we know it is a projection. This ability is so powerful that when we feel anxious, all we have to do is imagine hugging someone close to us to feel more relaxed (the body releases oxytocin, a relaxing neuromodulator). Close your eyes and try it, you'll see, it works!


The first way to use visualization is to remember your past successes as accurately as possible to gain confidence. Steps to follow:

1. Close your eyes and relax

2. Recall a past experience where you felt absolutely triumphant - for example the day you won a contest or prize.

3. Hear the sounds in the room: murmurs of approval, applause...

4. Visualize the warm smiles and admiration of people.

5. Above all, feel the warm glow of confidence rising within you and fully embrace that feeling.

The second way to use visualization is to project yourself into success. This technique, which is widely used in high-level sports (notably by Michael Phelps), involves visualizing the upcoming challenge and imagining yourself succeeding. Here are some examples:


- Just before you make a presentation, imagine yourself on stage, confident, with everyone listening and nodding. Visualize the triumph that the audience will have at the end of your presentation.

- Before an important meeting, imagine your confident posture, the smile on your interlocutors' faces when they recognize the quality of your work, the warm handshakes at the end

Michael Phelps visualized the "perfect swim" every night in the weeks leading up to a major competition

Becoming comfortable with discomfort

The last piece of advice Fox Cabane gives is to learn to be comfortable with unexpected or uncomfortable situations. When you have the ability to handle the unexpected, you become unshakeable and charismatic. 


For this, there is only one solution: practice! To improve, you have to get out of your comfort zone, out of the predictable, as often as possible.

- Talk to strangers in line or on public transportation.

- Maintain silence as long as possible before speaking in a meeting or conversation.

- Make eye contact with a complete stranger at a party and go talk to them.


All these exercises expand our comfort zone and allow us to remain in control of our emotions when faced with the unknown. To explore this topic further, check out Jia Jiang's website , which lists 100 exercises to do. Marked by a childhood trauma, Jia has engaged in "rejection therapy": every day he performs an action that puts him in an uncomfortable situation to become hermetic to discomfort. My favorites: when he tries to borrow 100€ from a complete stranger or he asks someone if he can come and play football in his garden.

Jia Jang's book tells the story of his journey to free himself from the fear of the unexpected

Fox Cabane gives many more tips and guidelines that I unfortunately do not have the space to describe here. I really encourage you to read this book and if you don't try it, to adopt the techniques described in the article in your daily life. 


References

Grant Study of Adult Development, 1938-2000, George E. Vaillant; Charles C. McArthur; and Arlie Bock, 2010(link & data)

About Combs, Notches, and Tumors: Epigenetics Meets Signaling. Developmental Cell 17: 440-442 G & R Paro Shit (2009) (link to article on researgate)

DNA methylation as a mediator of the association between prenatal adversity and risk factors for metabolic disease in adulthood(link to article)

On the link between charisma and non-verbal behaviour

"A laboratory study of charismatic leadership" Jane MHowell & Peter JFros 1989(link)

- "Leadership, leadership, wherefore art thou leadership?" - Charlie G Brooks Jr - 2004(link)

"Stirring the hearts of followers: Charismatic leadership as the transferal of affect" Erez, Amir Misangyi, Vilmos F. Johnson, Diane E. LePine, Marcie A. Halverson, Kent C. 2008(link)

"Can you connect with me now? How the presence of mobile communication technology influences face-to-face conversation quality" Andrew K. Przybylski & Netta Weinstein 2012(link)

- "Honest Signals: How They Shape Our World" - Alex Pentland 2008(link)

- "Computations of uncertainty mediate acute stress responses in humans" - Archy O. de Berker, Robb B. Rutledge, Christoph Mathys, Louise Marshall, Gemma F. Cross, Raymond J. Dolan & Sven Bestmann 2016(link)

Freakonomics, Steven Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner.

"The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: Dynamics and therapeutic intervention" Clance, P. R., & Imes, S. A. - 1978(link)